Spelling Love to your husband - RESPECT

We are currently going through a good book/series called Love and Respect.  We were first given the book in our early years together - can't remember if it was when we were engaged or just married but either way almost 7 years ago.  I remember thinking this is definitely something I want us to do together, but my husband isn't much of a reader and time and life just passed by without us ever opening the book together.  Although we are still young in our relationship and life, I do wish that I had made more of an effort to read the book when we were first together.  Anyways, I highly recommend the book to individuals and families.  The biggest thing is understanding how your other half thinks and reacts - pink vs blue.  However, there is too much to go into in one short (relatively) post, so I'm going to write the highlights I jotted down, while reading about respect.  One of the big things to me was about the difference between love and respect for men and women.  As a female, I want to be told and shown that I am loved - all the time!!!  Because of this, though, I would do what I would want done for me to my husband.  He knows that I love him, but that isn't what he "needs".  Love is a life hose to women but respect is a life hose to men.  Therefore, love to men is spelt r.e.s.p.e.c.t.

To break it down further, there are six areas to show respect and, therefore, love to your man (and sons btw).  Remember CHAIRS.  Conquest, Hierarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship and Sexuality.  I'm not going to dive into the different areas of each one - you'll have to get the book for that! ;).  Anyways, I am going to share what I wrote down to remind me of ways to show respect to my husband.

• Conquest 
• Encourage him in his job and providing for the family.
• Hierarchy
•  Is what I'm about to say or do going to come across to him as respectful or disrespectful?
• God built into the man a desire to protect and provide for his wife and family and, if necessary, to die for them.
• Look for ways to appreciate his desire to protect and provide.
• Men are more vulnerable to criticism when it is related to "headship" issues.
• Authority
• Ultimately a refusal to submit to or respect my husband is a refusal to trust in God
• Appreciating and respecting my husband's desire to serve me and lead the family takes faith, courage and strength on my part.
• If we're in a conflict remain respectful and quiet as I distance myself a bit instead of preaching, lecturing, or criticizing.
• When struggling with a "wrong" decision made, the issue comes back to trusting God, who said my husband is my head.
• Support his self-image as a leader.
• Insight
• It was Eve, not Adam, who was deceived.
• Husbands and wives need each other.
• Am I thinking too highly of my natural discernment and intuition?
• Is it possible that I might be deceived on certain fronts, and that I could use his insight because I don't see what he sees? (the answer to that is often yes, btw).
• Am I trying to be his Holy Spirit?
• The bottom line to appreciating a man's desire to analyze and counsel is to realize he does have insight and to be aware of any self-righteousness that might undermine his insight.
• Relationship
• In marriage timing is everything; "a time to be silent and a time to speak".  Eccl 3:7
• My husband knows I love him, but he may often wonder if I really like him.  (Sometimes he doesn't have to wonder because I have said - I love you and always will but at the moment I really don't like you!)
• Encourage him to spend time alone.
• Sexuality
• This isn't in my notes but just as a little extra - Sex is not a taboo word when you are married!
• As a wife, I spell respect/love to my husband when I appreciate his sexual desire for me.
• He needs sexual release just as I need emotional release.
• Let him acknowledge his sexual temptations without fearing he'll be unfaithful and without shaming him.
• Again not on my initial list but refusing sexual relations to your husband is like him refusing to talk to you - can you imagine going a week, month, year etc without your husband ever talking to you?  I do know one thing - you wouldn't feel loved and the relationship wouldn't last!

It may seem like a LOT and in some ways it is, but not really.  If I think about all the different ways/things that I need - it is longer!  I think there are hard parts for everyone and they are all going to be different.  I'm not much of a talker, apart from to specific people, and because my husband is one of the few people I do feel comfortable talking to - the "time to be silent", is hard.  I have learned to sit with him quietly and he appreciates that - feeling close but not having to "think".

Again I highly recommend reading the book (together or alone).  The above doesn't really scratch the surface of the information in there to help with the pink and blue differences, making a huge difference to a marriage relationship - and mother/son relationships.

http://loveandrespect.com/