a wife without a house

I have always held the position that although I work outside the home, my primary responsibility is that of the home and household.  Thankfully my full time schedule actually means I only work 10 - 11 days a month and for every day that I work I have two off.  The first of those two would usually involve going to the gym and recovering from the 24hr shift at work.  The second - the home - laundry, vacuuming, cooking, cleaning and running errands.  This was shaken up a little when I became a very proud mother of a little boy, Skyler, and even more so now that he is a toddler - and thinks he is in his "terrible twos"!  Although, I haven't kept a perfectly clean and tidy house - my husband is a perfectionist - and dinner has not always been on the table when he comes home, I took pride in our home and trying my best to live up to the expectations of well, me.  I always thought they were my husband's but really I was the one putting most of the pressure on.  In the first couple of years, he let me know what he wanted and expected but when I went to working full-time out of the home and he was a full-time student, he relaxed a lot and helped a lot; but I always kept the position that the home is my responsibility.  After two years on the market, we finally sold our house last October.  I was initially really excited and ready to live closer to where we both work - we both had a good hour commute.  For a lot of people that isn't bad but I was struggling with the drive after some 24hr shifts where we had been up most of the shift and Miles was gone from 6.30am to 6.30/7.30pm and we barely had any time together.  Let alone when Skyler was born - Miles would get home as Skyler went to bed and would be gone before he got up in the am.  We moved in with my inlaws when we sold our house for what I thought was going to be 2 - 6 wks - while we found a place to rent or found a place to buy and went through the 4wks that it takes to close.  Then we found out that finding a rental in that time was going to be challenging and it could be as much as 8 - 10wks.  The idea horrified me.  I get on well with my inlaws and that has been a blessing but not having a house, left me feeling, well lost.  I was also very impatient and wanted to move "now"  I'm sure the idea of not having to worry about household duties and being able to spend time with your children without feeling guilty about not doing housework sounds appealing to a lot of people, but to me I felt like I had just been fired.  I have enjoyed spending time with Skyler and watching him learn and grow don't get me wrong, but there is only so much energy and patience to play with the same toys or the same game hour after hour after hour without feeling like you should and need to be doing something else.  The first couple of weeks went a lot better than I thought, but as the time past, I grew more and more agitated that I didn't have my own house to make a home.  I was not able to control what we ate or did not eat (although my mother-in-law is a very good cook and I love the dishes she makes).  Exercising was a challenge and pretty much non-existent.  I felt like I could not show my love for my husband by cooking, cleaning and being the "keeper" of the home.  We eventually found a place that we put an offer in on - after 3 wks of negotiating - was accepted.  The time the offer was accepted I had initially hoped the following week would have been our move out date - mid Dec.  I was desperate to be in our own home by Christmas.  I wanted to decorate our home and plan some special Christmas memories/traditions for our family.  This didn't happen as the first closing date was set for the 14th of Jan, then the 21st of Jan, then the 26th of Jan and finally the 28th of Jan.  By this point, although I know better, I feel like we are never going to have our own space again and I'm not going to be able to serve my husband in the manner I was and even in a better way.  As of right now we don't know when we are going to close - there is hope that the closing will take place this coming Wednesday - Feb 2nd - but it has not been given as an official date and no-one really know when it will be.  The most frustrating part is that it is all down to the seller and not on our side - we are ready!!!!  I think and feel that a house is where a wife gets to express herself.  A wife's personality is shown by how she keeps and decorates her house.  The place the people she loves calls "home".  My patience has truly been and is continuing to be tested and I'll again say that I am happy that I have a good relationship with my inlaws for this has been a challenging few months emotionally.  I am looking forward to making our new house into a home that my husband can come home to and relax after a day in the office; and that Skyler can grow and learn in a safe environment.

it takes two

Have you ever been in such a good mood you have thought that nothing could get you off cloud 9? You are spending the day with your family. You and your spouse is having a great time just being together. Then, something happens and one of you gets upset and before you know it both of you are upset with each other and those precious moments together, enjoying each others company are gone. As you are in separate rooms, contemplating, you wonder "how did this happen?" I was in such a good mood, everything was going so well and then he/she just had to..... As you sit there thinking about it getting more and more upset you realize that it takes two to fight and ruin the day but it only takes one to make things right. Hmmm, go and say sorry, give a hug and kiss? I think he/she should. It would feel so much better if he/she was the one to apologise and make the first move - why should I? Upon further thought, love forgives comes to mind. If I love him/her then I would want them to feel the benefits of me making the first move just like I would want them to make the first move. So, without further consideration. You swallow your pride and start heading to where your spouse is and realize that not only have they had similar thoughts but that they started to make a move and you meet in the middle with a big hug and kiss.

It takes two to fight but only one to love and forgive.

No power in the house = no power in the brain?!

Isn't crazy how many things we do so naturally without thinking twice? The biggest time you get reminded of this is when something is out of place or does not work like it should. You are so used to something that it takes a lot of conscious effort to think differently. The other day I was taking a nap while little'n did. I was up all night at work and kinda tired. He woke up at 11am - talking to himself but not crying - I pleaded to no one in particular "please go back to sleep, please go back to sleep". Next think I know I get woken up but a screaming cry. I glance at the clock and nothing. I can hear Skyler crying but it is not coming through the baby monitor it is coming from his room directly. The baby monitor is off. I look at my phone to find out the time and it is 1145am. I go and grab Skyler - who was bundled up/stuck in the corner of his crib - the little wiggler! I then go to warm up his bottle and notice the fridge is off. Glancing around the rest of the kitchen I realized that the power was off in both our bedroom and the kitchen. So, I put Skyler in his chair with some toys and call Miles. He talked me through checking breakers and fuses and then finally asked is there power to the rest of the house (after we determined that the garage did not have power either). I quickly checked and realized that the whole house was out. I had previously looked at a clock and saw that it was on and so thought the rest of the house had power but apparently the clock is battery operated. Miles said that we should have enough hot water in the tap to warm up Skyler's bottle. Out of habit I told him that I should be able to boil some water on the stove if I run out (without power!) After laughing at the stupidity of that statement, I hung up so I could get the little'n his bottle. Afterwards, it was "potty" time. I went to turn the bathroom light on and realized that it doesn't work when you don't have power. I took off his diaper and got ready to put him on the toilet and as we walked into the bathroom I again reached to turn the light on - idiot. About 5 minutes later, he was still sitting there and it was slightly dark. So, I reached over to turn the light on AGAIN! After thinking about how crazy I was, I started thinking about lunch and how I was going to warm it up in the microwave (with no power) and then after get Skyler ready to go out. I then realized that "going out" was going to be interesting since the car is in the garage and the garage door is electric - hahaha. What stupidity I underwent in that first 30 or so minutes of the power being out. Thankfully, we survived until it came back on and only then did I realize that we had no heat and that was why I was complaining about being cold!